Updated: Oct 20, 2018
Today marks 21 years of marriage for me and my guy. We have made it through so much!
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We are your people!
We have been through so much on our marriage journey.
Today my husband said, he wants our kids to carry us around on chairs for the day! Think King and Queen for the day! Ok so that's not going to happen today we have to grind. There is a scripture that describes the whole of our family and it this:
"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Romans 4:11-13
My husband and I are just learning how to have a love affair type of relationship this year. For 19 years my kids didn't really see much affection going on in the house between us. I am not a needy/feely woman. I am more like, let's get the job done, no drama. My person is more of, you are a hard worker and I am hard worker, let's do this, kind of gal! My husband on the other hand has been more of the emotional one because that is how God made him. And, I haven't always known how to deal with that.
Why share these details?
Because all you see is what we show you and if we show you a perfect marriage that would make us liars which we are not.
I only know how to be real and honest for the benefit of others.
My husband has fallen short in many areas, but there is one that he has remained consistent in and it's this.
Fellas if you are reading this is for you...
Clinton has always:
Been a hard worker.
Guarded his eyes.
Preferred his family over his friends.
Tried to serve God and he has done that better some times than others.
He is on guys groups that are for believers and he gets frustrated with brothers sometimes because he doesn't understand why they succumb to inappropriate material.
He's a normal guy and has plenty of desire, but he has had to make constant decision to do what he calls, TURN the channel. That means swiping away, turning away, rather than taking a second glance, you get the point.
Ladies, I am not saying my husband is not capable because I think any man is when driven by the flesh. Heck, if I wasn't a God fearing woman I probably would have been the cheater, but I fear Yahweh!
Anyway, back to the encouragement. So, many people give up on their spouses because they think change will never come. But, I am here to tell you with God all things are possible!
Stop nagging and start proclaiming.
Oh I am preaching to myself right now because I still find myself guilty in this area, BUT I know it is fruitless and sometimes worst because I can speak my future! If I want change I have to speak change!
I wanted a new husband and so I believed, prayed and spoke what I wanted to see in him and it came to pass on year 20!
As for me, I may be small but I can be fierce. Just ask my kids which is why they are in-line most of the time.
But, really with all my strength came great stumbling blocks. It can be hard for a man to live with someone as strong as I am, but my husband chose the road of grace so many times. He could have grown sick of my coldness, but he chose to honor me.
You see I wanted more from him in the way of emotional strength and he wanted more from me in the way of having a soft place to land.
I can't say that I have become mush because that's not going to happen and that's ok, but I have learned how to cherish the man that God gave me with an upright love that is grateful.
He can make me sound so good, but I have to be real. In my earlier years as a wife, I could be hard to honor and love. However, he did it anyway. True he could be indifferent to me at times, but he always remained loyal.
If y'all are concerned I am making him sound too soft. Let me tell you why I married him in the first place.
When I met him he just got out of some of the hardest training in the country BUDS Navy Seal training for 6 months! And, yes that impressed me!
At 20 he already had been acknowledged for his machining ability in his state and he was an auto mechanic.
Basically, he was real man and after dating guys from Beverly Hills with daddy's money and devoid of God I was ready for someone with substance and grit. Clinton had not only grit, but humility. I could sense he was different than other guys. He really reverenced God.
So, here was a guy that was strong and could protect my life, fix my car and build things! That my friends was the recipe I thought could lead to a successful relationship.
After being married he went on to excel in every area of manliness while he was in law enforcement for over 18 years. He became a sharp shooter, tactical instructor, Sergeant, then Lieutenant of one of the worst prisons in California. Later he would be featured on cable TV because of his special skill. This man is legit and I am so proud of all that he has done.
However, things didn't end at high point for him in law enforcement. Instead, he got injured, really injured and got out on an early retirement because he was told he would never work again, not even at a desk job! What happened next was raw and real. My strong husband became weak, weak in body and mind. He struggled with clinical depression for over 5 years!
This lead us on new path a road not yet traveled.
There is so much to our story but I will have to continue it all on a second post!
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Also please leave your feedback and comments below. I would love to hear your marriage stories and how our story impacted you.